This morning I got an email from Ed about a posting on the CTC blog about HONK! I was asked to be in charge of student postings on the blog. The main blog lady wrote a posting about HONK! and stated some information. But this information was wrong. So Ed emailed me, Debra, and Sean asking that whoever is in charged of the blog get the corrected information and fix it. So I responded saying "Hahaha I will fix this right away! But if I get to have an excuse the main blog lady did this one. I have just been editing the students' stuff. But it will be fixed." I thought it was an acceptable response.
But apparently, in Debra's eyes, it was not. I was sitting in the dance studio in the morning with the other interns waiting for our morning meeting when Debra came in. She said good morning to everyone and then asked if I had received her email. I told her I got one this morning from her saying to Ed that I was the person in charge of the blog. But she said no, that she had sent me another one about the fact that it was my fault this posting was wrong because I was in charge of all the editing. But I told her I didn't see this post about the show but she somehow still believed it was my fault. So she started getting pissy with me...so I got a little pissy back. And then just accepted that it was my fault because I didn't want to argue with her in front of all the interns. She said she was just trying to cover my back because she thought Ed would not like my email response because it was unprofessional and was making a joke about something he was serious about. So when she finally left the room, I burst into tears. Which made me feel so embarrassed. But the interns were so incredibly awesome to me, mainly because they know how Debra works even though they didn't know what the situation was really about. Literally 2 seconds after I started crying, Lynn handed me tissues, Chloe had closed the doors, and the rest were comforting me. Thank God for these awesome interns, seriously wonderful people.
Then after the meeting, I had to go into the office to get some tape...which meant seeing Debra. She confronted me and told me she was sorry for talking like that to me in front of all the interns. Then she went to all the other interns and apologized to them about it as well...
Then she told me that she would like to walk me to my class...which was just down the hall. Then we stood in the hall and had another conversation....that should have lasted 5 minutes but instead lasted like 20 to 30. We talked about Ed and our "conflicts" which I thought were resolved... but I guess were not. We talked about the way I portray myself and that I don't portray myself the way I think I do. Fucking bullshit. But she has a point. She thinks I don't take things that seriously...that I joke too much. Which I can agree to. But then she said she knows I that take things seriously...so I guess I portray that I am not serious?...I do not agree with her. She also talked about how I should have brought the Ed "conflict" to her instead of to Sean because it would "have been resolved quicker". Again I don't quite agree. I told her I believed it had all worked out and that Ed and I had been communicating and seemed to be on the same page. But Debra thought this email I wrote would ruin that.
Then she went on about how she thought I was talented, good at this, and would be able to do well in this field and that was why I needed to know this information so I can grow even more. She said I should have responded to they email just "Yes, I will get it done." And that I should not have joked about it especially when we are in our show week when Ed is really worried about things. She does have a point and I will remember it. :) She went on about a lot of different things and she made me cry a few other times. Which made her want to hug me a few different times. But at the end of the conversation we were in a good place and I was open to what she had been saying to me. She then asked me when I was coming to one of her Assassins' rehearsals. And I told her I would be coming Monday in the morning. And she said that she would love that and that she wants my honest opinion about the show and that she wouldn't just take "I like it." So she made me feel like she respected me again. This lady can be so frustrating. But I know she is only doing a tough love thing...she said a few times in her ramble that I reminded her of herself and that she really likes me...
After this chat, I had to go to rehearsal and apologized to Ed because I was late and that I hadn't finished what he needed me to do before rehearsal. I told him I was having a "Debra talk". And he joked, "Doesn't she know that I have you now, and that she can't be asking you to do things?" Which made me feel better because I came to the rehearsal with newly mixed feelings about how Ed felt about me because Debra made me question what I thought I already knew and made better.
During rehearsal, it was crazy. Sam, the stage manager had me doing a lot of errands so I wasn't in the theatre for most of the time. Then a girl had a really bad migraine and I had to try to help her. I felt so bad for her, she kept crying and moving around and was obviously in pain. Chloe helped me with her, because I was holding back a little bit because Ed, on Monday, asked me not to baby the students so much. So I let Chloe do it and she was better at it anyway. :)
Then I had to leave them because I had my exit interview with Duncan and Sean. Which didn't go as expected. I thought we would talk more about the things I did very well and the things I could work on. Which we did talk about but only briefly. We mostly talked about the Ed "conflict". At this point I was already sick of it. We talked about ways that it could have been better and how it went wrong and that it wasn't my fault personally and all that shit. Then Sean said that it seemed that I was happier in the classrooms than when I am working on HONK! Which is true. But the only reason why I was "unhappy" in HONK! was because I didn't have things to do and I didn't know how to go about telling Ed. But I figured it out (also asked for Sean's advice) and Ed and I solved it... But normally I LOVE working on shows and this was literally the first time this has happened. Oh well, I guess there is a first for everything. It was an okay meeting and they said they enjoyed working with me and that their own critic is that I need to be more selfish with my objectives. Which isn't that what I was trying to do with Ed? But I guess it can be something I work on quicker. OH and the best part was that Sean said he could see me being successful in this field as well. :)
Then I got to back to rehearsal, which I apologized to Ed again because I hadn't been present during the morning part of the rehearsal and it was because I was running errands for Sam and dealing with migraine girl. He understood and even thanked me. I then said I had to leave again because I didn't get a chance to eat lunch because of the migraine and my meeting and he just told me "Go eat your lunch! That's important."
The rest of rehearsal was a good but slow process. It was our first time in the space so we went through the whole show scene by scene making sure the spacing was right. It took us the whole day to do the full show, which normally takes a hour.
After rehearsal I decided I would check in with Ed just because I didn't know where we stood any more. And the conversation went something like this: "Hey Ed, I just wanted to make sure we were still good. I have been hearing from others about conflicts going on and I thought we were all resolved. I have been having a great time the last few days and have felt like I have had an active role. But I talked to Debra and she made it seem like there was still a conflict or something."
Then Ed said, "She seemed to make the conflict bigger than it actually is." And I said, "YES! That is exactly what happened!" And then we laughed about Debra for a second. That she just made the "conflict" worse and that we had both thought we had handled it and handled it well. So that was really nice to hear.
Then I said, "I just want you to know that I think you are really great at what you do." Which is the truth. "And I am here because of that and because I want to learn from you. That is why I have stuck here because I really think you are amazing at directing." Which of course made him smile but it so is the truth. Then I said, "I was intimidated by you the first week because you are so good at this and I didn't want to touch anything without your permission because I didn't want to ruin your vision." I think he also respected this honesty. I also said that that may be why we were "conflicting" during the first week. Which may him say, "Well, I really didn't have too much for you to do that week, since we were doing auditions and learning songs. But now I obviously have things for you to do."
I then apologized for my email that morning and I told him I hoped he didn't think I wasn't being serious about this job etc. because Debra thought he would be upset about it. But all Ed said was, "Lydia I knew what you were saying. You were covering your ass and making light of the situation...I would have done the same thing." Which gave me so much relief. I then joked, "You really didn't think I didn't know we only have been rehearsing for 3 weeks instead of 4?" (which was one of the mistakes in the blog posting). Which made him say, "Of course I knew it wasn't you. I knew it had to have been someone else." Then we hugged and said once again how happy we were working together and that the next time we work together we are just going to keep our "conflicts" to ourselves and not bring "others" into it, especially because when we handled it, it made it all better. :) Fuck yes.
So I left the internship feeling good because I do know how to talk to people and how to read them. I knew the email wouldn't bother Ed as much as Debra thought it would. She was starting to make me feel like I don't understand people and I don't work with them to work things out. But she was wrong. :) I also left feeling so much respect for Ed and knowing that we are in a good place. Yay. A good crazy day.
After the internship we had a "Intern Thank You Potluck". Where like all the important people came to meet us. We ate food and then were asked to stand in a big circle so we could all be introduced to each other...such a theatre thing to do. :) The best part of the Potluck was that Peter, the Artistic Director aka the most important person at CTC, came over to my group of interns and talked to us. He is a real down to earth person. He asked me all about HONK! even though I didn't tell him I was doing it...he just knew. :) He really cared about us little interns. It felt really nice.
Then after this Potluck. Logan, Melanie, and I went exploring! We went down by the Mississippi River and took pictures then went out for dinner. It was a really nice night and a great finish to my weird and wonderful day. So I will finish up this long post with some pictures.
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